[earth] plans an outing

on a lighter note… 

real life email thread  straight from Doha… where the weekend approaches. and we don't know how to react. 

(photo cred: Cam Fenton)

 

Chair's text: 

Salaams,

As Minister of Fun Times, I give you a brief update from home base.

Down-time: Suben informs me that there is a town built for the movie 'Transformers', an epic tale of love and machinery starring Shaia LeBeef, a bit outside of Doha that is deserted and a good place for camping/stargazing/legal desert camp fires. It's called film city. There are no cinemas there, though.

There is also apparently an awesome sounding beach with cheap dune-buggies and camel rides somewhere outside of Doha.

Also, there's a falconry shop near the place we got Kaba, Hot Doogs, and Borgers the other nice. I hereby declare this awesome.

Your humble servant,

Minister of Fun Times

Party submission #1:

thank you misater chair and as it is the first time i have taken the floor let me congratulate you on being born and stayed alive this long. i also wish to thank the moon for making the tides go.

it is my belief that there are many opportunities for fun times – such as NGO party and so on – and look forward to working with parties on a way forward.

#2

Thank you chair, and may I take this opportunity to congratulate you on your position as chair. I speak on behalf of the alliance of 5 personalities including me, myself, I, 'this guy', and probably someone else. I would like to remind you that this is a party driven process and it is important to seek consultation from all parties, by which I mean all important parties who have money and power and no others, about the content of our agenda before we talk about talking bout the content of said agenda.

We look forward to finding a way backward, but probably not until 2015

#4

Thank you mister chair. Let me first say that I appreciate your great effort to put a text for negotiations on the table. I am talking on behalf on the LDCs group and my statement is associated with Nathan's statement. I really think it's time for great fun…. no time to be dam so serious about the outcome in Doha , at least for this weekend. I am looking forward to work with you mister chair.

#5

Thank you Mr. Chair. As this is the first time I have spoken this morning, I would like to congratulate you on your position as chair and your ability to tie your shoes, brush your teeth, and all other basic things you mastered as a child. I would like to emphasize the need for there to be a comparability of efforts in regards to the commitments of the fun times. I would also like to underline the urgency of fun times and emphasize that this process is time bound. I would like to focus on areas of convergence and consensus, and not discuss anything that could ever possibly be contentious, because that is the most effective form of negotiations. I look forward on working with all Parties to find a way in a some direction somehow.

#6

We must not stray from our original objective, which is the eradication of dangerous levels of conference-induced stress and the effective implementation of funtimes and leisure for all, while ensuring that blog production is not affected. We cannot expect least developed personalities or people in transition to mitigate stress without the appropriate means of implementation and a detailed roadmap forward…. how can we implement these commitments without first being able to implement naps?

Revised Chair's Text:

Thank you parties. I will restrict myself to two points of reflection.

1. Given the variety of opinions of opinions in this room, I will ask parties to submit draft decisions to the chair but 6:36pm.

2. The chair would like to remind parties to keep their tweets under 140 characters and use proper hashtags when doing so.

3. The chair has taken account of all the opinions on opinions in the room and proposes to draft a draft twerk-plan the followed follow-up of the areas of convergence among parties. The chair recognizes that not all parties enjoy the same flavor of ice cream so the chair proposes to instead purchase neopolitan in order to best give parties a variety of choices when it comes to their choice of ice cream.

4. As Minister of Fun Times, I would like to remind parties to take into account all parties views on fun times when talking about fun times, especially in the areas of enabling environments for fun times, and nationally appropriate fun times actions.

Thank you.

 

#7

Thank you Mr. Chair,

I speak on behalf of isolated island countries and would like to align my position with that of the previously-stated original objective of this Convention; that is, the eradication of dangerous levels of Annex A toxins (stress and stress-related externalities) through the effective implementation of leisure-related "fun times". However, I would like to point out to all Parties that there may be no effective resolution of this Convention's objective without consideration of the equally destructive elements of Annex B toxins (rage and "we-will-shame-you" sentiments) in the atmosphere. The universally-accepted scientific evidence on these elements shows that they are much more concentrated and potent polluters than the Annex A elements. While I agree with my colleague from the nether regions of Canada that Annex A elements may be minimized by the effective implementation of naps, the Annex B elements will not respond to such measures. I must also disagree with my colleague from the prosperous Western Canada; implementation of naps need not be a Party's individual responsibility and may prove much more effective when implemented collaboratively.

All Parties must not underestimate the potential serious effects of high concentrations of Annex B elements, and I urge Parties to take on real and substantive obligations relating to their successful mitigation. Given the short time frame and urgency of the situation, I urge Parties to participate in good spirit in the temporary application of the aforementioned "fun times", of which the isolated island countries will most certainly do their best to be a part of; however, along with these measures we would like to propose the provisional application of "humanization" measures in order to mitigate some of the most harmful effects of Annex B toxins. The isolated island countries acknowledge that these are drastic measures and very difficult to implement especially for some of the least-developed personalities (LDPs), but we urge all Parties to consider the context of the situation. Should the provisional application of these latter measures fail, we must continue to consider possible national measures while also considering international measures, leading to the effective continuation of the continually circular nature of these negotiations.

Thank you Mr. Chair.

#8

Thank you Mister Chair, since it is the first time I have taken the floor I would like to congratulate you on the successful return of our house's water and your ability to leave the conference center.  I would like to thank you for the opportunity to submit draft decisions. Mr. Chair I speak on behalf of all the fish in the sea (though their numbers are dwindling). I would like to echo the last statements of the Reeder party. Mr. Chair, I would like to remind you of the principles of common but differentiated fun times, while it is likely that all parties would like to participate in all activities, each party has differing levels of capacity and historical sleep hours which must be taken into consideration. However, Mr. Chair, future sleep hours must also be taken into consideration. I therefore propose that we draft a schedule which includes fun times interspersed with options to include sleep hours for parties who have the right REM development.

Taking into consideration common but differentiated fun times and historical sleep responsibility,

Noting future sleep and work responsibilities

1. Recommends  a day trip to occur Sunday December 2, 2012  to the film city that ends no later than 5 pm

2. Encourages parties to commit to voluntary sleep pledges, bearing in mind the IPCCs 8 hour recommendation

3. Suggests an evening of market pledges for holiday present storage and sequestration and voluntary beer and sheesha consumption.

Thank you Mr. Chair.

———–

and in the end, they stayed working at the UNFCCC till 9, went home, checked emails, and sleep early.

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